Parenting: Developing a Happy Family
Raising Resilient ChildrenRaising our children can be one of the most exciting and challenging experiences of our lives. This chapter takes us through the wondrous journey of life as a parent, from the earliest stage when our children are mere babies to the later stages of when they reach teenagehood and adolescence.
Each stage has its own unique growth pattern, be it physical, social, emotional or intellectual, and at each stage we as parents are both students and teachers as we live life with our children and help build their resilience which is a major task for all parents and a major achievement for all children.
Resilience represents an individual’s core strengths of feeling loved, secure, capable and confident. These qualities are essential ingredients in becoming happy and successful in life and in our significant relationships, and they also contribute to our ability to cope with stress and struggle and to surmount barriers, setbacks and sorrow.
There are many gems of insight and advice in this chapter which Dr. Davies has written based on her years of experience as a psychologist and a parent. And where and when problems are still too much, a psychologist can help.
In your reading you will discover for example that the growth and development of a resilient child is intertwined with the growth and development of resilience in ourselves. In effect, we both give and we receive, we touch and are touched, we teach and we are taught.
Parenting - Raising Resilient Children
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Whatever has risen up to bring about any lasting distress in our children, we can best help our children by making the time available to listen carefully, to convey an acceptance of the range of thoughts and feelings they might express, and to participate with them in looking for ways to calm their upset feelings. If signs of our children’s distress continue on over a period of weeks, and we are unable to determine the source of distress and/or the means to alleviate it, there is help available.
A call to your family physician can be the first step in making contact with a professionally trained counsellor, social worker, or child psychologist who has experience with children and adolescents of various ages. You might also consider speaking to the principal of your child’s school, as many school boards now do provide some access to professional services.
If your family physician is not able to make an appropriate referral for you, you can check in the local yellow pages for the phone numbers of the national, provincial or state referral services (for psychological services) in your region. Of course, if you have a friend who has had a good experience with a professional counsellor or therapist, you might consider discussing this with them.
We cannot expect ourselves to be able to provide for all of the physical health needs of our children, and sometimes we must seek out the assistance of appropriately trained medical personnel. Similarly, it can happen that we need professional assistance in tending to the psychological and emotional needs of our children. When help is needed, the earlier the better. Often the help that we do get in dealing with our children’s distress provides us with new opportunities to learn about ourselves, our children, and how we might all cope better when life brings us difficult and stressful experiences.
Read more about the author of this chapter, Dr. Karen Davies of Gilmour Psychological Services in Ottawa.