Parent/Child Conflict

Family Counselling to Improve Parent/Child Communication

Parents and their children may love each other but when they clash, it can be distressing. When disagreements occur often, if not at seemingly every turn, it can create a stressful home environment.

Dr. Ages provides specifics on how you can spot problems before they develop and how you can communicate better with your child, with a clearer understanding of yourself and your goals. She addresses how you can teach your child appropriate behaviour, the importance of limits, and effective problem-solving with mutual sensitivity and respect, not vitriol and exasperation.

Parents and their children may not always see eye-to-eye, especially in this ever-changing and complex world, and communication and problem-solving can be an ongoing challenge, however, these are skills that can be learned and can be improved upon. As well, professional help may be invaluable should things get out of hand and when emotions flare and conflict threatens to become the new norm.

Dr. Ages provides insights, examples, and a concrete and positive framework in guiding parents and their children away from conflict and toward a realistic process of collaboration and listening for problems to be effectively solved.

Improving Parent/Child Communication

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Family Counselling Ottawa

Sometimes the conflict is such that the communication between the parent and child is so strained that the two parties cannot communicate and problem solve together. Seeking professional help from a family counselor can be beneficial to bridge this gap. The important message to both the parent and the child is that we need to seek professional family counselling to be able to improve our relationship. The parent does not focus on the child being the problem.

In the latter scenario the child will be a hostile non-participant in the counselling process. There is no set rule when a parent should seek professional help from a counsellor. For some parents, when the conflict and stress becomes pervasive to their everyday encounters with their child then they seek professional counselling. An important point to remember is that it is never too early and it is never too late.

What to expect when you call the counselor?

If I receive a phone call from a parent who wants to make a counselling appointment for his/her child, I tell the parent that the child can choose to see me alone or with the parent; the choice is the child’s. Oftentimes the child feels more comfortable meeting alone because he/she has an opportunity to talk with me without the parent sitting in judgment. If the child wants to see me alone for several sessions to work on some of the conflict issues, that is acceptable to me. I inform the parent that he/she will be involved at a later date.

The therapeutic alliance between the counsellor and child is an important component of therapy. This also gives the child some sense of ownership of the problem and a chance to develop some strategies with the counselor on how to communicate with the parent.

There have been some cases that the child, particularly an adolescent has not wanted to come to my office. I have worked with the parent alone in terms of his/her parenting and communication skills. With most cases, the adolescent has later decided on his/her own to come to my office. If the parent starts to make positive changes to his/her behaviour, the adolescent becomes interested in the process and wants to be involved. With reluctant adolescents, I find it effective for the adolescent to interview me on the telephone to decide if he/she wants to make an appointment.

The role of the counselor in working in the area of parent/child conflict is not to be the decision-maker to settle the disputes. Refining parenting and communication skills is the focus of therapy. In fact, I like my clients to know that they will be learning techniques that will benefit them with peers and other adults.

Read more about the author of this chapter, Dr. Sandy Ages Gilmour Psychologist in Ottawa