Marriage and Couples Counselling
Resolving Relationship ConflictThis chapter is interesting and useful reading for both new couples and those in long established relationships. Dr. Davies initially discusses the positive aspects of making a commitment to another person and being paired as a couple. She then goes on to poignantly describe some of the painful emotions that occur when a couple encounters serious conflict with each other. She points out that the general emotional tone in a home and family is largely determined by the manner in which the adults conduct their life lives and their relationship with each other.
She continues by discussing in a deep and meaningful way the sources of relationship conflict and the impact and costs of it. She then goes on to discuss the process and procedures that are useful for resolving couples’ conflicts, how to get the conversation started and communication skills that are useful for couples. She also discusses why couples sometimes get stuck when trying to resolve conflict as well as emotional and physical intimacy. This chapter ends with Dr. Davies discussion about when to look for professional help.
Marriage and Couples Counselling: Resolving Relationship Conflict
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Marriage and Couples Counselling Ottawa
When a couple finds themselves struggling for months at a time, and can not seem to find an acceptable resolution that allows both people to feel reasonably content and fulfilled in the relationship, it is a wise decision to seek professional help. Just as we should never leave a serious medical condition untended, neither should we ignore our needs for psychological tending when we are unable to make things better ourselves.
It is sad to see two people, who have clearly loved and cherished one another once upon a time, hovering on the brink of divorce, when some assistance earlier on in the process of coming apart might have helped a great deal in finding far better solutions.
Once you have decided that you just can’t sort out some area of conflict on your own, despite trying and trying for 4 to 6 months, ask around to get the name of a well-trained, respected practitioner in the field of marital therapy. If you have a trusted friend who has previously sought out such help, ask him or her. If you have a family doctor whose advice you have valued and acted on in the past, consult with him or her.
If you have no idea where to start, you can call the local licensing and/or registering bodies for psychologists, marital therapists, and family counsellors. These phone numbers will be available in the yellow pages of your local phone directory. From each of these separate associations, you will get a short list of names of individuals who are trained to provide couples counselling.
Call around and speak to several of these people. It is OK to ask questions about their training, qualifications, and experience and to request a consultation interview. For many of us, it isn’t easy to reach out for help with our relationships. It usually feels better to take an active role in making a choice of a therapist who appears to be a good fit for you and your partner. Once you’ve made these calls, completed a couple of consultation interviews, and settled on a couples’ therapist, you can both relax a little. With a trained professional to help you out, you no longer have to struggle alone with something that seems to have grown beyond your control.
The whole process of couples’ therapy can be extremely rewarding, even if at times it is difficult, stressful and frightening.
- You will have opportunities to learn more about yourself and your partner in a safe environment.
- You will learn new ways to talk to one another about things that are very important to the well being of your relationship.
- You will have the opportunity to learn to identify patterns of behaviour that arise between the two of you that seem to come up out of nowhere, but, in fact, do have their origins in other parts of your life.
- The more you become aware of the existence of these patterns, and where they come from, the more you will actually have some choice in altering them and their effects on your relationship with your partner.